The Catalyst
by KimberSixx
Summary: How much will it take for Kurt to reach his breaking point? Who and what will be the catalyst? Very dark. Major trigger warning!


**Warnings: This is a very trigger heavy story. It is very dark. This chapter is only the beginning, if you don't think you can handle it, please leave. I will leave a trigger warning at the bottom of each chapter, but this story will feature mentioned non con, dub con, possible character death, suicidal thoughts, mental illness, eating disorders, cutting, drugs, homophobia, among others. **

**Author's Note: Hello, lovelies! I'm assuming the trigger warning hasn't dissuaded you if you are still reading. Please note that I love everyone on glee! This is not a Blaine hate story, because Klaine is my OTP. I just enjoy putting Kurt through all kinds of hell. Please excuse any mistakes, this is unbeta'd. Feel free to point out anything that needs fixing or isn't clear. This is my first story. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable. **

"Kurt," _kiss_. "You're so beautiful," _kiss_. "But baby," _kiss_. "Your getting," _pause_. "Soft."

Kurt stiffened beneath Blaine. All of a sudden the weight on top of him was too much, it brought back _those_ memories. He shut his eyes until white spots danced in the blackness before him. His heart was pounding and his blood was roaring like a river. The pressure in his head increased. The now familiar buzzing filled his head, like the one you hear in a thick silence, but the room was far from it. You could hear the sound of music playing in the background, the soft smacks of Blaine's kisses down Kurt's chest. Even the soft hum of the fan.

_Calm the fuck down, Kurt! _

Too many thoughts. Each worse than the last. They spun around in his head, playing with one another like children in a school yard.

Blaine only wanted to help. He was always talking about self improvement, being the best you possibly can. And really, by not pointing out he would be doing Kurt a true disservice.

_Goddamn it, Kurt! Look at your fucking stomach. It's revolting._

He always thought his tummy was a little flabby. Now that he thinks about it he could stand to lay off the sweets.

_Those sacks of cottage cheese you're trying to pass off as thighs? How can Blaine kiss you?_

And his thighs. We're they always so damn large?

_It's hilarious the way your arms jiggle whenever you move them. Can you say chicken wings? _

Why do his arms move so gosh darn much! It's humiliating. He's a teenage boy, not an old lady with sagging flesh.

The thoughts build. The pressure never wanes. Why is Blaine so heavy? He squeezes his eyes closed tighter. It's too much. Too much everything.

Arching his back in discomfort he groans softly, grasping on to Blaine's shirt.

Blaine thrust back. "You like that, Kurt?" He pants into his ear, nipping at his neck. Grinding down into his boyfriend he whispers obscene promises between kissing his face.

It's too hot in the room. The basement is too small. Suffocating. Not enough air. Too many memories. And why is Blaine so god damn heavy! Heavy. Just like- no. He could never compare Blaine to him.

He groans again, only louder.

Fuel to Blaine's fire.

Locking eyes he picks up his speed. Clutching Kurt's shoulders hard enough to bruise. He's close. So close.

_**Slam**_!

They both freeze and snap out of their haze. Eyes wide at the prospect of being caught in such a compromising position they silently move apart and open the previously shut door.

"Next time," Blaine promises with a soft peck to the lips and the other boy trembled. Kurt forced a watery smile to his face and stood shakily. He grabbed the curly haired boys hand and led him up the flight of creaking stairs.

"Groceries!" Carole shouted as she stumbled into the kitchen, arms full with a heavy bag.

"Let me get that, Carole," Blaine smiled a he grabbed the bag out of her hands.

"Your an angel. How are you honey?" She asked as she bustled about, putting away the groceries.

As the two chattered away Kurt remained silent, working quickly and giving the two a wide berth. He didn't know just how much more physical contact he could stand for the day. He sighed, he of course knew the answer: however much Blaine wanted. He couldn't resist the dapper boy, who else would love him in this small, bigoted town? Lack of options aside, Blaine really was perfect. Smart, gorgeous, and above all kind and compassionate, he really was the perfect package. He couldn't find one thing wrong with him; he's tried. Even his obliviousness was endearing.

All he wanted was to better himself for Blaine. To make himself worthy of the other boy's love. He glanced over at the two. Blaine and Carole were truly lovely. Seeing the sight of them joking and playing around made his heart swell. Blaine felt eyes on his back and turned around, shooting Kurt a wink and grin before resuming his tasks.

Kurt sighed. He really didn't deserve Blaine. How could some one like _him _ever manage to snag a guy like that? He was so damaged and had so much damn baggage. It was utterly deplorable.

What if he left him for some other guy? Like that slimy Sebastian. Or when they go to New York. What if he finds someone better?

What if?

Someone thinner. Less soft. More masculine with less of a gay face. More adventurous in bed.

He and Blaine were both virgins when they began dating and eventually lost their virginities to one another. It was sweet and soft. Perfect. Blaine was so good, he was the man they wrote about in those trashy erotic novels. He knew exactly what he was doing. So sure of his actions, every touch confident and left Kurt's body singing.

Everything was good. Almost too good. It made him wonder; had Blaine had prior experience?

He shyly asked at the beginning of their relationship, face red the entire time, tripping over his words. He merely laughed it off and denied it, saying it was limited to silly party game kisses. Of course, Kurt accepted what he said as the truth, but times like this made him wonder.

"Finished!" Blaine exclaimed, flailing his arms, beaming at Kurt, "Can we watch a movie?"

He laughed at his boyfriend. "Which Disney movie, hon?"

"Princess and the Frog! I love Tiana!" He gushed as he dragged Kurt into the family room, popping in the movie before flopping down on the worn couch. He snuggled up to the other teen and soon became hypnotized by the film.

Kurt's seen the movie a million times, but the music never fails to get him. He loses himself in the picture and sings along gleefully.

Before long his koala of a man begins to nestle deeper into the crook of his neck. At this point both boys are lying down, their limbs a tangle mess.

The shorter of the two began to lightly stroke the others arm, never taking his eyes of the screen. He gradually moved from gentle strokes to soft pinches, beginning from the top of Kurt's arm to the bottom, and back again.

He began to tire of his arm and moved on to his face. Pinching his nose and cheeks until they turned a soft pink color, then proceeded to kiss them until they returned to normal once more. Kurt smile at his boyfriends odd behavior, but thought nothing of it.

Until Blaine moved to his stomach and began to pinch along his waistband. Never hard, always maintaining the same steady pressure, but each gentle pinch was a sharp knife to Kurt's heart.

Soft. Soft. Soft.

He glanced down and saw his fat being slowly and methodically tugged away from his body, then released, only to have the process repeated an inch away.

Kurt's eyes burned and glistened with unshed tears. What was wrong with him? He was turning his boyfriends simple affectionate touches into a reminder of his flaws.

Both boys eyes remained fixes on the screen. One holding back tears, the other softly smiling.

The movie ended some time later and both began to stir. They slowly detangled themselves from one another. Neither one said a word, both lost in their thoughts, but eventually they locked eyes and began to smile.

"I love you, Blaine."

"I love you too, Kurt! But Kurt... I need to tell you a secret. Come close."

He leaned in as instructed until their faces were mere centimeters apart ad wanted for the other to make a move.

Blaine closed the short distance and made a move for the other boys ear, but quickly turned and licked his cheek.

"BLAINE! You animal. You _licked _my face. My face!" He shrieked.

"It tasted funny. Maybe I should have another lick, just to be sure,"

Kurt sprung across the couch at him, fully intending to bludgeon him with a pillow, but missed when the shorter of the two jumped out the way and ran across the room, giggling as he fled!

"You'll never catch me!"

"Get over here, Anderson!"

They bobbed and weaved all over the living room. As soon as one got near, the other would wiggle out of their grasps, but not before a few well placed smacks of the pillow were delivered.

Eventually, they both were tired out and collapsed in a heap on the floor, both breathing heavily and sweating.

"You ass."

Blaine mock gasped, "Kurt! You wound me with your words."

"Yeah, right. You wound my face with you saliva!"

"You are so adorable. C'mere, you!" And before they knew it, they were playfully kissing on the floor and rolling around, surely attracting all kinds of lint from the carpet, but in that moment neither cared one bit.

Burt quietly stepped into his home ad surveyed the scene before him, his son and that boy making out on the floor in front of him. Giggling like a bunch of girls. He rolled his eyes and muttered a few choice words under his breath. He stealthily stepped around them, taking care not to disturb the two and walked up the stairs into his room.

"Hey, Carole."

"Burt, honey, I didn't hear you come in! When did you get here?"

"Not too long ago, I caught the two boys makin' out on the floor practically humping each other."

Carole made a face and sat up on the bed, folding the page of her book before setting it beside her.

Burt chuckled at her expression and nodded his head in agreement. "Lucky you didn't have to see all of that. It was scarring to say the least." He added with an exaggerated shiver. He had no never quite seen the two share more than a chaste kiss and to be frank, he could have lived without that particular image.

It was Carole's turn to laugh it the expression Burt was wearing. She patted his hand and placed a small kiss on his stubbly cheek and proceeded to regale the tales of her tiresome day at work. Burt nodded at all the appropriate places, but he kept going back to the two boys kissing.

Downstairs Kurt and Blaine had separated and were making plans for the upcoming weekend.

"We can have a date night again? It's Wednesday so that gives me a few days prepare. I want it to be a surprise!" Blaine said, excitement obvious I'm his voice.

Kurt smiled, "That sounds lovely. But you know I hate surprises. One little hint?"

"Nope. Your gonna have to wait," he glanced down at his watch and swore softly. "It's time for me to head back to school."

Kurt nodded with a small frown and pulled him in close to say his goodbyes.

"You know I love you, Blaine. So, so much. I really am so glad I found you. I don't know what I would do without you."

Blaine looked up at his boyfriend and took in his watering eyes and trembling lips. He lightly placed his hand on his left cheek and slowly closed the distance between the two. When their lips were a mere centimeter apart he paused and whispered in a low gravely voice, "I know."

With that Blaine pulled away and walked out the door to his car, never looking back.

Kurt watched until he drove away, completely out of sight and shut and locked the door. He made his way downstairs to his room and began to work on his homework until his phone rang.

"Is Finn there?"

"I don't know, Rachel. Call him yourself." He made a move to hang up, but she interrupted before he got the chance to do so.

"I don't know where he is," she sobbed. "He hasn't called me and I'm worried. We had plans to hang out tonight!"

"Maybe he's with Quinn. Or Santana." He flippantly replied.

"What do they have that I don't?"

"Maybe looks? The fact that they're infinitely less annoying?"

"No, no it isn't any of things, don't be silly, Kurt. I'm going to drive around and look for him, would you like to join me?"

"Pass."

"Kurt! That is your soon to be stepbrother. I would think you would be more worried,"

He sighed. "Rachel. Calm down. He's fine, I'm sure. Now don't go looking for him. I will personally make him return your calls whenever he gets back. Okay?"

"Alright Kurt. But wait-"

He hung up. He really couldn't stand Rachel. She was so self absorbed. She would sell you out in a minute, and quite frankly she worried him with her intensity an ruthlessness. The way she pined over Finn wasn't healthy, it was damn near stalking.

_Or are you just jealous?_

He wasn't jealous or anything. He had no residual feelings for the gargantuan teen, it was simply nauseating to watch. Beside, he had Blaine, who was a million times better.

As if on que, Finn stumbled in the house, his heavy footsteps clearly audible, even in the basement. Kurt didn't move. He had no desire to greet his soon to be stepbrother. He listened closely, seeing if he would come to the basement.

After a few minutes the stomps quieted and Kurt assumed that he went upstairs to his room and he resumed his homework.

The back of his neck prickled and he felt eyes boring into his skull. Slowly, he lifted his head and gave a sharp yelp as he saw Finn leaning on his door frame, watching him.

His heart pounded and his palms began to sweat. "I didn't hear you come in, Finn," he stuttered. "When did you come down?"

"A few minutes ago," he said with a lazy grin.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I dunno," he drawled.

Kurt stared back at him. His pupils were huge.

"Well. I have lots of work to do," he gestured to the books in front of him. "If you don't mind." He said pointedly.

"Sure thing, dude."

"Don't call me that."

Fun continued to stare at the thin boy, his gaze never wavering. Kurt tried his best to ignore him and read, but he wasn't absorbing a word on the page. Why was he still here?

Finn apparently decide he was getting tired of merely looking at Kurt so stumbled over towards him and grinned widely.

"Later, dude." He called before flicking him on the nose and walking away.

Kurt sighed. He felt migraine coming on. These encounters always made his head hurt.

He went over to his nightstand and popped two Tylenol. Looking over the bottle he shrugged and took two more. He quickly shut off the lights and lied down, sleep enveloping him as soon as he shut his eyes.

**Triggers: Possible eating disorder related thoughts? A bit of dub con. **

**Authors note: Hi. First story. Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Let me know! If you have any criticisms or things you would like to see please, please, please review. I have the first five chapters or so planned out and they will be from Kurt's POV mainly. After five you'll see the thoughts of Blaine, Carole, Finn, and whoever you want! I hope you enjoyed. Xxx, Kimber. **


End file.
